Most of my blog posts up to this point have been about Faith and our journey with her cerebral palsy and all the special needs that comes along with that diagnosis. There is another reason for this blog, though, and that is to bring awareness to congenital heart defects (CHD). It's also to give God glory for all He has done in my life since being born with double outlet right ventricle (DORV). With this condition, both of the main arteries of my heart were attached to my right ventricle. My left ventricle was and still is nonfunctioning.
Due to my defect, I needed open heart surgery at 6 months of age. I had another surgery at the age of 4 and then another, called the
Fontan, in 1984 when I was 10. At the end of May in 1999, I had another open-heart surgery (which was hopefully my last!) At 25, I was really quite stunned to be going through another heart surgery. I knew I was sick and getting sicker, but I was disillusioned to think that some different meds would do the trick and fix me right up. This was not the case.
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| Ready to get discharged after my fourth open-heart surgery at Mayo Clinic. |
I was thankful that I knew the Lord and I believed He had His hand on my life since the day I was born. Even though I knew this, I was not serving Him at the time of my fourth surgery. I had been in rebellion for about eight years, not serving Him, instead serving myself. Despite my rebellion, I still believed He would take care of me which gave me peace.
The surgery went well. In the ICU, the first thing I remember is seeing my friend, Janee and noticed she was wearing earrings, which was a miracle in itself since I was not wearing my glasses. The next day in the ICU, I remembered asking my mom to pray for me. The surgery had been on a Friday. On Sunday I was released from the ICU and was able to feel my pain for the first time.
Coughing and laughing hurt like heck. I went through an episode of trying to cough stuff up, but it wouldn't come out. I wasn't able to breathe very well so they called in a respiratory specialist. They sucked all the gunk out of my throat. To this day, I panic when I swallow wrong and can't catch my breath.
Monday I was forced to get out of bed. My pain level was more than a ten. How could they expect me to walk down the hallway four days after surgery, I wondered? But I did it, not because I wanted to but because I had to.
In the days that followed, the friends that had been there had gone home to go back to work. My dad and my sister left, and I cried. My mom stayed. I was able to get up and around more often, albeit very slowly. It still hurt to laugh and cough. Eating was a non-priority, and everything tasted and smelled weird. It felt like I was never going to get better. I hated taking my pain meds because they made me feel spacey.
On Friday, exactly a week from the date of my surgery, I was released from the hospital. It seemed too soon. Insurance reasons, I suppose. At the hotel in Rochester, I dared to look at the scar down the middle of my chest for the first time. I felt depression trying to sneak into my head and my heart. I fought off the tears, knowing I had been through this before, knowing I could do it again.
Eventually, I made it back to Watford City where I recovered at home for about six weeks. Day by day, the walk around our circular driveway became easier. The pain lessened. I could get out of bed without shooting pains going down my back and chest. I felt my stamina slowly coming back. I began eating normally again. I prayed I would never have to go through this again.
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| Recovering from surgery at home in Watford City. |
This was a life-changing experience for me. I truly believe that not only did I go through a physical heart surgery but a spiritual one as well. Although it didn't happen right away, I eventually rededicated my life to the Lord. I started going to church again and I knew I wanted to live the way God wanted me to live.
I have learned that sometimes God allows us to go through painful situations in order to get our attention. I wonder what my life would be like today, had I not had my surgery at the time I did? What would it have taken for me to turn my life back to God?
Before my surgery, I looked back and saw God's hand in my life and now, as I look back, I see it ever more strongly and I wonder, what would I do without Him? How DO people live without Him? I'm not sure, but I will be forever grateful for how much grace and mercy God has shown toward me.
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